Monday, February 15, 2010

Bad Housekeeper, Bad Employee, Bad Blogger

In exactly two days, I will be at my new OB's office meeting with the nurse practitioner. TWO days. While I had a similar appointment three months ago at my old OB's office, and have an idea of what to expect, I'm still anxious.

Will I like them? Will parking be a pain? Will they be running late? Will the appointment be really long? Will I be able to SCHEDULE AN ULTRASOUND SOON?!

That last one is the real kicker. Even though I'm happily feeling like crap, I'm still on pins and needles about what's actually going on in there.

Last Saturday marked 9 weeks. It brought back some bad memories of my last pregnancy at 9 weeks. It was the day I found out my baby had died. It was the day my baby was physically taken from me. As sad as it was back then and it was again on Saturday, I'm trying to hold on to the fact that this time things are different. From the new donor, to the higher betas, to the TWIN heartbearts, to their better early growth, to the way I feel. Things this time are different. I can only hope the end results are different too.

I've been a bad girl lately. My blogging comments have been fewer, my posts obviously have been fewer. Part of that is from a headache that is exacerbated from looking at the computer screen (which is a real bummer since I stare at one pretty much all day long for my job), and part of it is the lack of energy combined with my laziness. I'm behind in my housework which is not what you want when you are about to list your house for sale. And I can't focus at work. Mostly because my pending tasks are crap ones I don't really feel like doing. Bad employee.

I'm going to try to improve all these areas.

I'm sure the good news from Wednesday's OB appointment (please, please, please) that an ultrasound will be just around the corner, will help. Here's hoping.

UPDATE: Less than a minute after I published this post, I just got a cool work project. Yay! The distraction helps a ton.


  1. I took a ton of Tylenol to deal with pregnancy headache. Feel better.

  2. When I was pregnant (before the loss), I found it hard to blog as often, too. Think it's pretty normal. And more so if you aren't feeling so good.

    Can't wait to hear good news about Wednesday's appointment!

  3. Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.

  4. Glad things are going well in the yuck department and work-wise. Who would have thought that would be a great combo? Ultrasounds are my drug these days. I just saw an ad for a tiny portable one on TV and I almost lunged through the screen. It was being used by a doctor, so probably not available to joe public just yet. I swear when our kids are old enough to have kids, we will look back and think how much easier things would have been if this process wasn't riddled with such archaic instruments and tests.


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