It's early - Sweet Potato is still asleep in the nursery and the Dynamo is in the kitchen with me in his car seat. The house is quiet and times like these sometimes bring me back to what it was like before they were here. I would sit at this kitchen table, my pregnant self (I moved into this house when I was 5 months pregnant), and wonder how life would be when they came. Now that they're here, the house says "family" with rooms full of baby stuff and everything around me reflecting them. Whatever I wondered back then is no comparison to how it really is. And I mean that in a good way. My heart is full. All those cliches are true. There is no greater love.
Fabulous D calls me a calm mother. I think she's right but the twins have made it pretty easy so far. They've only in the past week or so started fussing at more than feeding times (and sometimes doing it simultaneously which is a bigger challenge) but so far, I'm managing. It's when I'm away from them that the anxiety sets in. I mean sure, I miss them but when I'm in the car or in the shower or some other brief time when we are apart, it's more than missing them - it's oh-my-god-I'm-responsible-for-these-two-little-lives.
Only recently has it hit me how my life has changed. I've been so focused on my routine and staying somewhat organized (my method of survival), that I haven't really taken the time to think about what I have accomplished. Sure, it took two years to get here (a blink of an eye in the IF world), and it wasn't easy, but holy crap, I'm a mother. And - I'm doing it. Who would've thought? I sure had my doubts. And I know it's early - they're only 7 weeks old - and the other shoe could drop at anytime. And I could lose my mind. But right now? Right now, so far, I'm freakin' doing it. Without pulling my hair out. Without large doses of alcohol. And no one is more surprised than me.
So I have a lot to say (!) but not a lot of time to say it. I've been solo for over a week - my mom has been staying at her house - and I am surviving. The twins are thriving (in my expert opinion) and over 7 pounds now. They are getting more alert every day and have found their arms, legs and lungs! They are eating every three hours like clockwork and take about 30 minutes each to feed, burp, and change, which gives me about two hours between feedings to try to do things around the house (and sleep at night!). That is if they are not fussing. Today we broke out the baby carrier for the Dynamo who was just not happy until I put him in it -
He's still in it now which allows me to write this post as well as fold laundry, eat breakfast and use the bathroom! (seriously!)
In other news, battynurse sent me the most adorable baby blankets for the twins!! They are terrific and the whole family loves them, even kitty -
Thanks for all the support on my last post. I stopped breastfeeding altogether after I pumped for an hour and a half and produced ONE ounce. I knew then that I was done. I did feel a little sad about it but know I am doing what's best for me and my babies.
And just like that it's time for another feeding. Imagine that! :)