Thursday, March 10, 2011

I love when people tell me how great I am doing.  It gives me a boost to get through the day.  Or through the current crisis.  Because as much as I blog relatively happy crap here, it's not all sunshine and roses.  But then you probably guessed that. 

Truth is - I'm tired.  Sweet Potato has been waking up a lot at night.  He's got eczema and he scratches his face and head.  I'm not sure if he's waking up from the itching or from his tummy being upset or if he's teething.  Or all three.  Or something else.   

I don't know and I hate not knowing.  And I'm tired.  And when he screams in my ear, it's hard.  And I cry sometimes along with him.  And then, you know, occassionally while this is going on, his twin brother will need something.  Like food.  And it becomes a double melt down.  Or, if you include me, a triple melt down.  Because, did I mention that I'm tired? 

Before you think I wish I was not parenting single, while I wish I had help overnight, I'm not missing the dad-factor.  Yet.  Because if there was a dad-factor, I would likely have a whole different slew of issues.  Knowing me.  But maybe then I could afford to take a day off from work.  And sleep.  Or something. 

But I digress. 

I'm just tired.

9 comments:

  1. Not everyday will be a good day. Hopefully the good will out weight the bad!!! Can you invite someone over to watch them so you can take a nap?

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  2. Hang in there! It will get better. Then worse. Then better! etc... this is parenthood. Just an idea on the eczema, you have probably already heard it, though. 2 of my 3 had eczema and a lot of it cleared up when I stopped using fabric softener (not even the "hypoallergenic" kind). Take care!

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  3. Sending lots of love! You are doing great, and you know what they say about the family that cries together... stays together. :) I wish I could come give you some time off.

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  4. Hang in there, I know how tiring it can all be. Although you are my hero managing with two. It will get better.

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  5. See, this is why I love you. You can appreciate what you have, and particularly the bright side of not having the dad factor, in the face of a seriously difficult time. Because it's worth it. It just is. And you'll get through it. The sleeping situation will get better. It's so weird to feel like crying these days, it doesn't feel like it did before. Before I cried because I was sad or tired and these days, if I cry out of frustration or what have you, there is still not a doubt in my mind that I love my life. That I am, at the root of it, happy. I don't know if it helps to think about it this way but crying is so so normal with the challenges of childrearing. Especially twins. And believe me, you're not missing out on anything being single. I have friends with twins who are truly miserable in no small part because of their added frustration with their spouse...who should know better than to frustrate their wives further. Babies can't help it. Men can.

    Oh and I can totally relate to the sentiment in your last post about being shocked every day to realize that you are a mom! I love it. But it's so so weird. I keep imagining Dom being 15 and still saying to myself - "where did this kid come from? Whose is it?"

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  6. Poor little guy, poor mommy :(

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  7. You are tired but happy.. Hang in there. You can do it.. cheering for you!!!

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