I'm sure we've all done it - broken up with a blogger. You find someone online, a connection is made, you add them to your reader and can't wait to read their next post. You comment on their posts often sharing your excitement over their good news or offering support if the news isn't so good. You're there with an ear, some advice and how you handled the same thing they are going through or might handle it if you haven't been in their shoes before. You do this for a long time, years maybe, and then realize your online friend never comments on your posts. In fact, you're pretty sure they never even read your blog.
At what point do you walk away?
Maybe you've added a comment and asked the writer a question. Something quick for her to answer - an explanation of an abbreviation from her post for example. And she doesn't add another comment. And she writes a new post and never answers your question there either. Eh - no big deal. An oversight.
Then there's the blogger who invites comments or emails that require her to respond. Perhaps she talks about this awesome recipe and tells her readers to leave a comment if they'd like her to email it to them. And you do. And she doesn't. I guess she didn't mean you. She meant her other followers.
Do you stop reading then?
When I was in the thick of TTC, I followed a blogger who was years ahead of me with mostly heartache. Like many of us, she was hit with disappointment and challenges left and right. I followed her through some life changes like a move across the country, supported her when she had unfavorable comments on a post, emailed (and was granted) a password request when she went private. And then somewhere between my second and third miscarriage, I unsubscribed. It felt like a completely one-sided relationship. Not once did she comment on a post of mine. When I needed it most, not one 'thinking of you' from her. It shouldn't matter. I was fortunate enough to have so many online friends who did comment. But the next update from her in my reader? It stung a little bit.
Like many relationships where I feel slighted, I look to myself. Am I there for my readers like I should be? Am I doing enough? There are many times when I comment in my head when I read a post but don't take the time to type it. I tell myself I'll do it later. And then I don't. I feel guilty about that. But to never comment? After months or years of support given to me? No, I wouldn't do that.
At some point yes, I would walk away, or maybe still read, because I feel involved or at least curious about this person and their journey, but leave less comments or none at all.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you I am now ALL the time trying to catch up on my reading and I got to a point that I realized I just have to remove some blogs from my reader. It was hard at first, because so what if they have never commented on my blog, aren't I reading their blog for the sake of reading their blog, that is without expectation to a return favour!? But it does somewhat feel better!
Billy, yes there are definitely some blogs I read just for me and don't comment on much or at all. I read a lot of SMC blogs and those parenting multiples. I read for parenting tips and ideas. I don't always leave a comment (sometimes I do thank them) and I don't leave a comment always expecting one in return. But there are those that you follow for a long time and really feel a part of. Those are the ones where I feel like we are "friends" but it is one-sided. Just like in real life, I have a hard time with that.
ReplyDeleteBlogger is not letting me comment. I so get the feeling of the one sided friendship. Sucks IRL and on line as well.
ReplyDeleteNavigating The Rapids
Blogs aren't real life. If you no longer want to read someone's blog, just don't. Take it off your blogroll. No need to ascribe any drama to anything. Save that for people you see in the flesh. Or, even better, keep drama out of real life too by realizing that sometimes people get busy and they don't mean it as any sort of statement about you. Or if they do, well, then it's just as well they're not bothering you anymore.
ReplyDeleteThere's a big difference between RARELY (because we are all so busy) and NEVER. I feel like someone who never reciprocates my comments must be discouraging me from reading their blog. I think your post sums it up very well.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should take it personal. I do see how you could feel that way. These blog are so personal. They tell you so much about the person you think you are very close friends. What they are is an outlet for people. Yes friendships are made. The reality is we have no idea what this person is dealing with day to day unless they share it via there blog. I have friends that don't have time to even talk on the phone due to the their busy lives. It hurts but I try and understand. I am sure with your twins you don't have the time you use to.
ReplyDeleteI get that it is upsetting when you feel invested in someone's life through their blog. But at the same time I wouldn't take it personally either if they don't comment. I'm sorry that you feel slighted... And I agree that friendships are made through blogging - but at the same time, we don't truly know each other - we only know what we choose to share.
ReplyDeleteI also find myself commenting in my head on other people's posts, but never typing it. Or I feel as though someone else said it better in a previous comment and I would just be repeating what they said. Or (as happens all too often) I am reading the post many days after it was put up and feel odd commenting so late.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I do think it is hard not to take a situation like the one you talked about personally. You just never know what that other blogger is thinking unless they say it.
You raise a great series of questions...that I'm too tired to think through fully! But I suspect part of it is people using blogs for different kinds of reasons, having different communication styles, etc. But blogs ARE personal, or at least give the rhetorical illusion of being personal, so I get what you're talking about...
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to decide when and who to stop reading regardless of reasons, at least for me. I've had to thin down the list of blogs I follow as I can't keep up with the ones that I do follow. However when it's one sided with no feedback it's harder to keep putting yourself out there. I know though that there were plenty who were reading me (back when I was still posting regularly) that I never really followed them. Not that I didn't care, it was again just a time issue or feeling like there was a lack of like circumstances or something.
ReplyDeleteI’m impressed!! Really informative blog post here my friend. I just wanted to comment & say keep up the quality work. I’ve bookmarked your blog just now and I’ll be back to read more in the future my friend! Also nice colors on the layout, it’s really easy on the eyes.
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