How do you let it go? When you make a mommy mistake, how do you let it go?
The twins turned (omg) ONE yesterday and I had a party for them on Saturday. I plan to do a proper birthday post compete with pictures soon but have a question for my readers. With my crazy party planning on Friday and Saturday the twins could easily tell something was up and their calm daily routine was a little off as I was running around the house doing things. I think this threw their nap schedules off. Sweet Potato missed his afternoon nap altogether and the Dynamo finally went down for his a little later than usual and was still asleep as the guests started to arrive.
About twenty minutes into the party I decided to wake up the Dynamo. He had been asleep in the nursery by now more for than an hour and a half and that is typically his max nap time (unlike Sweet Potato who takes a three hour morning nap on occasion and that morning had slept for two and half hours). The party was outside and there was a lot of commotion both inside and outside the house.
I was outside, went in and realized somehow the baby monitor had been turned off. I don't know how this happened but when I flipped it on, I instantly heard the Dynamo crying. To be fair he wasn't wailing and when I went upstairs there weren't actual tears streaming down his face but how long had my little man been crying? He's almost always standing up when I go to get him and he was sitting in his crib. Had he been crying for so long that he got tired of standing and had to sit? I just can't seem to let this go. I feel so bad that he was up there and no one heard him. When it's just me in the house you can hear them without the baby monitor but with lots of people coming in and out, no one would have heard him without the monitor on.
I changed him into his birthday onesie and shorts and he soon recovered. In fact, he was the life of the party "helping" me open presents, eating well and wiping his first-time-ever cake frosting all over his face. So no scars on baby. No memory I'm sure. BUT I STILL CAN'T SHAKE IT. And this is tiny. I know I will make more, bigger mommy mistakes. If I can't get over this, how will I handle those?
How do you do it?
Aw, you have to forgive yourself - we all make mistakes and in the scheme of things, this is a pretty small one. Think of what you'd say to a close friend who relayed this story to you. Treat yourself as you would treat your friends. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd happy birthday to your babies (and to you - 1 year of Mamahood)!
It happens. He was safe and that's all that matters. Don't be so hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! You are an awesome mommy. I am so impressed with the good long naps. Don't worry, as NtR pointed out, he was totally safe, and you did come to get him. He knows you love him.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean in any way to belittle the feeling that you did something wrong, even though you absolutely didn't (you didn't know the monitor was even off!), but to be honest, if that was the biggest mistake I'd ever made with my daughter (and I only have one child), I'd be one happy mama! Motherhood is one big guilt trip, and it's good to be able to accept that nobody is perfect, and mistakes will be made, no matter how hard you try not to make them.
ReplyDeleteIf there were no tears and no wailing, I seriously doubt he'd been crying for very long or was very distressed.
You're doing a great job! And Happy B-day to the twins!
- Tashia
Happy Birthday Babies! So happy to find another SMC w/ Multiples and one who's survived a whole year.
ReplyDelete