I haven't updated about the co-worker in awhile and a few of her recent comments have reminded me of that. Those of you who have been following my journey (see old blog) for awhile, know of her thoughtless remarks on occasion.
The latest:
Nearly everyone at work knows my news now. I've actually enjoyed some of the comments from those who aren't as close to me and had no idea - "Did you do in-vitro?", "Twins? What are you thinking having two?!", "Do you know who the father is?" (this one actually came out better than that - it was after I said I used a donor). My favorites, "That's awesome! I am so thrilled for you.", "If you need anything at all, please let me know. I live near where you are moving and am happy to lend a hand!", "Motherhood is the greatest joy of all.", "You will be a great mom.", "Let me see what leftover baby stuff I have!", "I'll check out some garage sales for you!". And I just love the ear-to-ear grins on some of their faces. :)
And then there's the infamous co-worker: "You know where you're moving is a longer commute to work.", "When [so and so] finds out, expect a comment from him." Seriously, I know these things - is it necessary to say them out loud? Just why? My all time favorite is her embellishing. I gave her permission to tell her closest friends who I have met and who consist of one who had a small struggle getting pregnant and one who says she wants to be a mom but does nothing to make it happen -except complain. She shared my news and when one of them asked how many tries it took, she told them THREE. ??? I have no idea why she said this but it happened weeks ago and it continues to bug me. I actually said to her as she was re-telling the conversation, "Try eight. And four pregnancies." I'm proud of my journey so far and my struggle. I think it's important for people to know about perseverance. It's one of the many things with her I have to let go.
On the flip side, she has been very helpful to me at work - not letting me carry anything heavy, sweetly talking about when I find out the genders - and I feel like she is happy for me regardless of her insensitive remarks. She has even offered to shampoo the carpets for me in my new house with her carpet steamer. She will be very helpful, I know this. I just have to remind myself that it is in her nature to point out the negative even if it's not necessary.
Thank you for being proud of your struggle! Too many women aren't and just imply that getting pregnant was easy. I find this so frustrating and even more isolating. You are such the ideal woman - you ARE going to be a wonderful mom.
ReplyDeleteYour friend sounds a bit annoying as usual. Glad that it's went ok with most of the rest of your coworkers.
ReplyDeleteI never cease to be amazed at the things people will say...just when I think I've heard it all. I'm glad there are some good moments too. And that your "friend" is being helpful. C, a co-worker I think of as one of my closest and who's usually super-supportive, makes fun of me for not wanting to carry anything too heavy (or turning down the blue cheese). It's like she just can't wait to point out when I'm being paranoid. I guess we have to take the good with the bad.
ReplyDeleteLoL about your co-worker. I've had people in my life too, who genuinely mean well, but its in their nature to be pessimistic or just plain insensitive. Once you get used to that and the initial sting of some of their thoughtless remarks, you can actually learn to love them. Glad she's being so kind to you with actions and offers. :) Take advantage of it---with two little ones coming its the best advice you can get! :)
ReplyDeleteYour co-worker makes me see red. Glad she's not 100% horrible, to you, though. :)
ReplyDelete