Putting aside the whole moving thing for a minute, my mom has been adjusting her babysitting schedule a bit to allow for time with the long distance boyfriend. My awesome sitter is very accomodating and switches days with her a lot.
I mentioned in my last post that my mom will be going away for Thanksgiving. And also New Year's. Not only did she book her flight for New Year's without getting babysitting coverage (a.k.a. asking me to see if the sitter will switch days), she sent me two emails Sunday night:
From: My mom Sent: Sunday, October 14, 2012 9:30 PM To: Me Subject: Thanksgiving
Sorry to say, but the trip for
Thanksgiving is going to have to start on Tuesday instead of Wednesday.
That means I can't sit on Tuesday but can on Monday. If [awesome sitter] can switch from
Monday to Tuesday, there'd still be coverage for the boys. Could you
ask her or do you want me to call her?
From: My mom Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 5:23 AM To: Me Subject: just remembered
You work late on Mondays, do you
think [awesome sitter] could work the late shift, from 5:30 to 9:30?
How about, she just says it point blank: "sorry to say, but.. ". Really?
To make it more interesting, she is planning on going to his house this weekend and he is coming back upstate to visit her next weekend. The twins and I have Halloween festivities planned next weekend. It looks like she is choosing to miss those too - specifically a party with Sweet Potato's food allergy group. She attended an event with us and this group in the spring and really enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your comments on my last post. I love the support I get here. In a real emergency, I know I could call Fabulous D or even a neighbor for help. I hope I never have to. The non-emergency emergencies cause me anxiety too. The things I don't want to bother my best friends or my neighbors with but still need someone to be there for. And the times when the twins just plain overwhelm me and I need a break.
My mother might be moving.... away. Like six hours by car, away. She's my only immediate family in the area and my first line of defense. Or support. Or help. Or something.
She met someone. A friend introduced her to her father and after emailing and talking on the phone with him for about a year, he drove here to meet her. They vacationed together. And he drove here to see her again. She has plans to visit him next weekend by plane, is traveling with him to his daughter's house in another state for Thanksgiving, and has already booked a flight to go there for the New Year's holiday. She said it's a miracle they found each other. I'm THRILLED for her. Thrilled. Truly.
It's no secret on this blog that my mom and I do not always see eye-to-eye. Part of that, I think, stems from the fact that she has been lonely and her only real outlet has been caring for the twins a few days each week and helping me when I've needed it. She has been so much happier since she met this man and, in turn, we have been getting along really well. (She still does things differently with the boys than I do but doesn't flip out when I mention it, or when I ask a question -we both are tolerating things better.)
And now there's talk about one of them moving so they can be together. He has grown children but no grandchildren nearby. He has a house and some boating and wood working hobbies. He already wants to sell his house and move to a quieter neighborhood. But you know what? She wants to move there. She has an apartment so I guess it makes sense but he already wants to sell his house. They are going HOUSE HUNTING when she visits next weekend.
She has grandbabies here. She wants to move away from them. He lives an hour outside of New York City. And she loves the city.
The selfish part of me (and, yes, I am aware that this post is showing the selfish side of me) wants to call her out. We talked about this. She said she would be here. Before I started fertility treatments (when the "plan" was one baby), I asker her if she was on-board. To be fair, I would have proceeded even if she wasn't but not only was she, she offered to help. Originally she wanted to watch the kids full-time. And I'm not even just talking about the childcare I would be losing - what about the Grandma care? What about the middle-of-the-night trips to the ER and I have 2 kids and one of me? What about the fevers and colds and broken bones and what about when I get sick? We talked about this. I don't lean on her at night right now. I (knock on wood) haven't had to call her for help beyond her scheduled babysitting since the boys were sick last year. But she does help. She comes by most Sundays without me asking and I get to run an errand or color my hair or mow the lawn or clean out closets. She does most of the twins' laundry. She sews holes and makes sauce and plants flowers.
I do my damnest to do it all on my own "just in case" I have to. But to actually HAVE TO? Without a safety net?
I had a feeling this was coming. When she brought it up, I was very supportive. We joked about what furniture of hers I would get. I didn't say a word about my reservations about how I would manage my mother's choice to move away from my family. Typing it out makes it sound even more ridiculous. I could have called her out. I could have said, "You said you would be here. You said you would help. You said I could call and you would come running." And more recently, I could have said, "We talked about me taking a new job and you said you would help with the twins when I am on-call for work." But, nope. I didn't say any of it. And don't plan to. Even if I could say those things out loud, if anything I had to say convinced her to stay and he moved here and he hated it or they hated it or whatever, she would probably resent me. And possibly resent the twins. I could never risk that.
But, again, she might be moving away from her grandsons. They are a huge part of her life. In one of our early arguments, she feared I would cut her out of their lives, (which I would never do) and once she asked if I would allow the boys to have a continuity of family. Now she might be choosing to move away when there are possible other options.
And I might be losing my safety net. And breaking a huge SMC rule. Physical support.
The past few weeks have been full of activities and appointments. I'd like to get it all down here and in order to do that, I need to bullet.
The twins and I had our first professional (if you don't count studio pictures at JCPenney -and I DON'T) photo shoot. I received the shoot and some prints as a Christmas gift last year. While I haven't seen the pictures yet, the photographer was awesome. He asked what we like to do as a family and I told him go to the park. So off to the park we all went and he spent over an hour with us taking candid and some posed pictures. I cannot wait to see the photos. The Dynamo was a tough cookie - refusing to smile or sit with me on the blanket at first. Sweet Potato was a ham the entire time!
We made our third trip to the zoo. Great fun and the twins almost actually paid attention to the animals this time.
I took the boys for a visit to my old job. The people there were like family to me and so good to me when I was pregnant and when the babies were first born. I left that job when they were five months old and we have visited twice since then. (once also when I was on maternity leave). It was a nice visit but I think it was our last. As unhappy as I am with my current work situation (re: schedule), I need to close the book on that part of my life. My old job was my whole life for so long that it's been an adjustment to end that "relationship" but I think I am finally there. I will stay in touch a bit with a few former co-workers and that's fine.
The boys had their 2 year check-ups. I have been taking them one at a time separately but the schedule didn't allow it this time so Fabulous D joined us (thank God). I will update their "Grow With Me" pages with their full stats but in summary, they are doing pretty well health wise. Sweet Potato hasn't gained any weight since his last check-up but the doctor isn't too concerned about it. He was concerned, however, with both boys' lack of speech. And honestly, I am too, and have been for awhile. I think I am encouraging the lack of words, though, by not forcing them to say what they want when I already know. The guidelines are that they should have at least twenty words (they maybe have 10?), a few two word phrases (none), and are understood at least fifty percent of the time (maybe 20% of the time of the words they do say). The interesting thing is there are words they have said in the past (like "dark"), that they don't say now. They were referred to the Early Intervention Program and so far, we have had the evaluation portion. More on this in a coming post but the short story is they are both "severely delayed" in speech but at or exceeding development in all other areas for their age. They will be participating in weekly speech therapy.